Dishonesty

You know what‘s annoying me in human relationship? – I ask spinning the spoon in the cup full of coffee.

  • Go on, – you throw a few words in whiles I‘m putting together a fluent sentence.
  • Dishonesty, – I neglect the philosophy and cut straight to the point afraid my coffee will cool off.
  • What about it? – You pause When Harry Met Sally and put one of the cigarettes spread on the table into your mouth.
  • What happened to them?
  • Got wet, – you give a short reply and click the lighter.
  • Hmm, – I sip coffee, you paused right on the bit where Meg Ryan is faking an orgasm, – You don’t really know the person until/…
  • …/you’ve slept with her? – You blow the smoke out.
  • Could I finish?
  • I have a feeling we won’t be watching the movie tonight.
  • If you just let me finish/…
  • …/it’s always the same shit. Why do we always end up fulfilling your needs and never mine?
  • Alright, you win, let’s do what you wanna do/… – I press the play and leave the room.
  • …/but you will have to do it alone, – you stop the movie, – could you grab a beer?!
  • You have two feet – go and get it your-self, – I declare putting shoes on.
  • Where are you going, this is your house?
  • I need some fresh air.
  • Mind if I join you?
  • Feel free, – it’s impossible to get mad at you.

You guide me through narrow streets, through unknown parks, through grass, you lose me in Off License shop, you take me to the canal and sit me down.

You live in London for almost fourteen years, you surfed through each and every zone from one till suburbs of zone nine, half of them – by walk.

I let go of your hand, because I can not stand when it starts to sweat and becomes greasy.

  • Tell me, why we never happened? – I ask watching you opening a bottle of Pinot Noir.

You don’t reply. Maybe you didn’t hear me.

I don’t repeat my-self, just get closer: wrap my arms around your waist and lie my head on your shoulder.

In the end of the day, what’s the difference? We had our moments.

  • Tell me more about dishonesty, – you hand the opened bottle to me.
  • Is it nice? – I double check.
  • Taste it.
  • Dishonesty, – I take a sip, gargle and spit it into the water.
  • And?
  • Like a kiss of a man I am just about to fall in love with, – I paraphrase Clive Coates just in the right place, on the right time, which is rare, – How would you describe dishonesty?
  • A smile through clenched teeth?
  • This morning I received a text from Italian, after a couple of days he replied to my offer to meet in autumn, because we may no longer find some time to meet in summer and this hassle trying to arrange the time and place is getting on my, and I do believe, his nerves too. He checked which year and added: whenever is better for you x x.
  • X x?
  • Yes, – I nod my head, – and right there before the chance to get to know each other better – the beginning of the end has started.
  • But why?
  • Because his impatience testifies his hot temper, hence in extreme situations he will give in into emotion. It also speaks about his ego and that at this time it is suppressed to reach the target. The target in this particular situation is me. This, of course, is pampering my ego and I become favourable. That’s exactly where most of women slip straight into loving arms and blinded by this false idyll are tempted to overlook perverse features of their partner’s character.
  • Maybe this is why we never happened… – you whisper into the bottle and drink the words down.
  • Each time I find myself in a new relationship, I vision how they going to end. You would never think how ugly some people may be.
  • Once I was in a similar situation, – you have a story for any topic, – Lets walk down the canal?
  • Or maybe lets go to Waterloo?
  • What’s there?
  • We will take a walk down the river shore, jump on a wheel/…
  • …/ jump on the wheel? – you rise your right eyebrow.
  • London Eye, let’s go? – I reach for your hand and we head towards the bus station.
  • Where did I stop? Ah, right. So I met this woman, one drink followed another and then we kissed, I felt hot and offered to go outside for a cigarette, she kindly took our coats, we finished cigarettes and I asked: one more round? She smiled seductively and proposed in this ultra sexy voice to walk her to her apartment. We talked all the way to her street, I opened up, told her about my childhood/…
  • …/why all of you have an urge to spare details of your toddlerhood? What is this? Yet another technique?
  • Something like that, this is how men shows their sensitive side, and women adores taking care of someone: a kitty, a puppy, a tiny rat with no feet and etc. And I’ll tell you what, that time it did work. She even gave me a mercy blow job. We fucked, had another cigarette, she offered a cup of tea and whiles I was adding the sugar she asked me to pay.
  • You must be joking.
  • This was my exact reaction: I laughed, she freaked out and scaled my right leg with boiling hot water.
  • You’re lucky she did not aim for/…
  • …/ yes, I know, – you raise your hand and stop the bus.

We say hello to the bus seventy six driver and walk up to the deck. The first row seats are free, you let me sit by the window knowing I cannot get enough of London.

  • It’s hard to believe you slept with a prostitute.
  • I had no idea, – you smile, – by the way, this was one of my best nights, I would recommend this experience to every heterosexual man.
  • But what it’s got to do with dishonesty? – I suddenly remember how this whole talk started.
  • This is only an extreme example, but it’s always the same scenario: all you women smile a lot (if you need something), you snuggle, you purr, you are excited to learn about things we are interested to, you watch sports together, you give us our so needed space, you invite us to a dinner and slowly start to occupy our territory. Unnoticeably, all of the sudden, there are two toothbrushes in the bathroom cabinet, sports are pushed out by TV series, she knows all your friends and start to dictate whom you should spend more time with and who is no companion for you, then she proposes to introduce parents and/…
  • …/ next stop is ours.
  • The next stop is Monument.
  • Press the button, – I insist.
  • She watches your every move, and you even do not get a chance to share your views, – you press the button.
  • So, I do not get it, where is the link between a whore and relationship with a woman? – I zip up as the wind got stronger.
  • You give and then ask double the amount.
  • How does women and men requirements differ?
  • Men do not require, a man searches for nature.
  • Oh, this is so delicate, so poetic. When you say nature, do you mean: boobs, butt and long legs?
  • No, I mean, breasts, bum, slender waist and full thighs. In the company of such a woman a man feels in harmony with him-self, in such women we find home. And such women gives us all we need: comprehension, support, loyalty and pussy.
  • And according to you such women never turn into psycho bitches who hides your dirty socks under the pillow?
  • They do, but we are ready to forgive and forget, just as women in love tend to absolve their lovers a few minor flaws.
  • Let’s have a baby, – I feel an urge to give a meaning to my love.
  • You’re in a wrong century, poppy. Family planning is one of those things which people do but have no idea why, same as holding eggs in the refrigerator.
  • But if you love someone very very much and that person is absolutely beautiful from inside and out and you get paranoid that after you two are gone there will be nothing to testify your feelings…
  • No one has such feelings anymore, – you interrupt confirming that you believe that once love like that existed, and then add, – maybe only in Jane Austin novels.
  • But I love you so! – I begin my mono performance, Pinot Noir is truly unpredictable, hit me when least expected.
  • Alright, let’s jump on the wheel and then I will take you home, and if you’re still up for it, we will have a go.
  • Promise?!
  • Promise.
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Marija

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