Risk

If the decision to have children is made, have two without hesitation, because, if you have one, there is a high possibility the child will turn out a complete fuck up. Harmony in such a human being is more or less – impossible. One will either lack of self-confidence or will be a self-centred prick. He will be a stranger around others and his relationship will balance between highs and lows (so will his mood). He (most likely) will turn into an alcoholic, or will be a huge success.

Two children are much better. Of course it is a double harm for a human kind, as the planet is overfilled with people as it is. However, the chances that they are going to be valuable members of society – doubles up too. It’s surely worth taking the risk.

But if you have no desire to risk, or having children isn’t on your priority list, by no means you should be blamed by such, as they call it in Lithuania, selfishness. And those, who are keen to call this selfishness, and single women – old maids, are foolish uneducated dickheads. Dickhead may loosely be used to describe inhabitants of council houses dressed in sportswear hanging around McDonalds, as well as a granny living in suburbs, who can heal aching joints with urine of a child, but has no sense about nowadays reality whatsoever.

Of course, there always are never changing (as well as non-existing) truths, such as the unity of human kind, which would solve all problems. Only due to the lack of words many of us simplifies this to the symbol of family, which more or less is the unity we all long for.

Jumping back to single women, in Lithuanian language, and the language is a mirror of culture, there is no such word that would represent an independent woman, or as a matter of fact, a man. Or is there?

For example, in the process of filling applications in English language, one will find the following options to choose from: single, married, divorced, and widowed. And in Lithuanian: married/ unmarried (according to gender), separated, widowed. So in any case a person is connected with the Other, the one who married you, who left you, who died on you or who is still looking for you. Without that significant Other, in Lithuanian language and culture, a person is incomplete, a walking half.

To be with the Other, may be the most joyful feeling, as well as most depressing. Once again – risk worth taking. But then again, if one chooses to stay alone instead of going through the inevitable breakup, one has all rights to his lonesome.

Lonesome, yet another dreary word. In state like this, one does not experience any sunshine, only grey rainy clouds behind the window, with a chance of rain, typical Lithuanian weather. Tape player plays Foje The light of the fire nonstop, cold boiled potatoes and a couple of cutlet on a kitchen table, half empty glass of black tea with one sugar.

Life is slightly easier for men in this case, because they can escape from this never ending 1989 autumn evening by proposing. Will you marry me? – Sounds much better than – Could you marry me? (Lithuanian translation of female proposal). Will you marry me? – Privileges. Whereas: Could you marry me? –sounds more or less desperate. Here again, English language has the win-win situation, where both partners can propose without a fear of sounding like a loser. Marry me, – sounds like an affair to take on and does not matter for how long, because there is no doubt that until it lasts – it will be fucking amazing.

Fucking amazing state of being in Lithuania and other countries that are more or less behind is available only for heterosexual (lit. normal) couples. There are no homosexual couples in Lithuania, you won’t see them strolling down the street holding hands, kissing gently because they are fond of each other.

Fondness is only accepted between opposite genders, in circles of mentally healthy people.

But then how is this possible that in a family of two mentally healthy heterosexual people a homosexual (lit. mentally ill) child is raised?

I‘m raising my children gay:

  • Here is your lunch box, don‘t forget to be gay today, – enviable Louis C.K. insight.

Lithuanian government emphasizes economics as the main reason for emigration: wide open beaks of chicken begging for Euro, and a sound of chirp everywhere you turn. But there are people who have jobs, even their own firms, but they don’t have love. There are some, who has love, career, but are valued for nice pleasant to touch bum instead of their professional skills. And of course, there are some who hasn’t got a thing and are literally fucked by those who does. And there is no one to turn to, no one to speak with, because no one is listening, not even a priest in the house of God.

Pregnant woman, an elderly man and a priest, as someone spotted – the holy Lithuanian trinity.

After all there are some positive things, maybe even more than negative? To spot other’s flaws is a feature of Lithuanian character. It is easy to run away, to stay and change nothing shows the strong persistent spirit, i.e. something to feel proud of.

To ban soviet attributes, take off all soviet stars from bridges and buildings, destroy architecture and pretend that occupation never happened is one way of solving the problem. But there is also a way of acknowledgment, reconciliation, change and moving forward. Maybe? A risk hides in here too, because by allowing changes one may stumble upon a load of old crap. This may lead to wonder if those high-ass standards raised are reached by one-self? And if the rage against others is nothing but bitterness towards one-self?

 

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