What we talk about when we talk about love

We sat in her living room talking about her trip to South America, Global Warming, recycling, female rights, volunteer work, refugee camp in Calais, where her husband and she is taking donated clothes and blankets for those who happened to be less fortunate. We talked about war and rape as a weapon, cultural differences and maiden names.

  • You’re always someone’s’ possession, at first you carry the name of your father then you are passed over to your husband and have to take his name, – she contemplated, – it’s all about those little things, traditions we don’t question.

We also talked about the boys, biological clocks and that inevitable question of becoming a mother. She said she cried the other day, because she does not feel it. I nodded in agreement, as if to say I don’t feel it either (yet?).

  • Maybe it’s not the right time, the circumstances aren’t right? It’s possible that you will feel it at some point. Only my fair is that once I do, it might be too late.
  • But if I haven’t felt it up until now, why would it change all of the sudden when I am 40?
  • I really don’t know, I’m awkward with kids my-self. I’m only afraid that in 15- 20 years’ time I will have no friends to talk to because they will all brag about their children going to college and starting work and I will have nothing to add to the conversation. I already don’t. But this is not valid reason to have a child.
  • Your social circle will change, don’t worry about that.
  • But that’s the thing, I don’t really want it to change, I like those people, plus I can’t really be bothered to make new friendships, barely have time to maintain the existing ones.
  • ….
  • ….
  • Everyone is different. Some women I know dreamt of having a baby from the age of 5. I just feel that I can use this all energy and focus on so many different things. World is a fucked up place and I would feel guilty to invest 15 years in one precious human being.
  • So why did you cry then?
  • Because I’m different.
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Marija

"Lengva būtų visa tai pavadinti literatūriniu nudizmu, jei Marijos Djačenko kūryboje nebudėtų skaudus jautrumas tiems, kuriems atrodo, jog savo egzistenciją įmanoma pabrėžti ir susinaikinimu." - ROBERTAS KETURAKIS “It would be easy to call Marija Djačenko’s oeuvre literary nudism, if not the painful sensitivity to those who feel that their existence may be stressed by self destruction.” – ROBERTAS KETURAKIS